Feminism and the 5-year-old: Not always what mom expects

Inspired by a new HBO documentary about Gloria Steinem, Katie Couric asked on her Twitter feed the other day:  Are you a feminist?

YES, I tweeted, in caps. I am now and always have been. From high school on.  I worked at the Womyn's Center (can't remember if they really spelled it that way, but you get the idea) in college.  I worked in various women's organizations in the years during and after college. 

Sara Pines

Sara Pines and her daughter -- who will grow up to be anything she wants to be.

I grew up with two working parents during the 1970's in New York City, where the women's movement was part of everyday life.  We weren't a politically active family but equality was just taken for granted.  I was raised to believe I can do anything I want.

And I did. I'm now a 40-something single working mom, with a great career and a beautiful daughter, working everyday to keep all the balls in the air.

So, this morning, as my 5-year-old daughter and I are walking to the playground and I steered her and her scooter around a manhole cover, she asked why it was called a manhole.  I told her, "Well, the men take the covers off and go down under the street to fix the pipes." 

She shot back, "Only men?"

I had a small feeling of satisfaction at that question as I allowed that it could be men or women.

Then, she laid it on me:  "Mom, when I grow up, I'm not going to work, I'm going to stay home and take care of the babies."

Really?

I know that, as with many ideas in a 5-year-old brain, this too shall pass and tomorrow she'll want to be an astronaut or a sportscaster or a showgirl.

Fresh off my viewing of the Gloria Steinem documentary, I didn't want to over-react but I did want to send a message.  I said, "Well, honey, you can be anything you want to be.  But did you know there was a time when there were jobs people thought only men could do?"

"Like fixing the pipes?"

"Yes, or being a doctor or a lawyer or a bus driver."

"So, I can be anything I want to be."

Satisfied, for the moment, I said, "Yes."

"I want to stay home with the babies."

Ohhhhh-kaaaaaay.  Well, I guess she told me. 

I guess feminism is all about choices, right?

Yes, Isabelle, you can stay home with the babies -- as long as I get to come and play with them every once in a while.

TODAY Moms contributor Sara Pines is an editor at TODAY and has been working with the show in various capacities for 17 years. A native New Yorker, she is the single mom of a beautiful 5-year-old daughter.

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